If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
