I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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