He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
