this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
