just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
