i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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