anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
