i just google imaged poop.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
