zippers are such a cool invention
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
