this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
