Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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