I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
