so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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