# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
