I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
