this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
