i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
