ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
