Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
