They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
