I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
