Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
