Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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