Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
