I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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