i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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