I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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