At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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