his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
