just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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