I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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