sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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