dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
