you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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