Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
