fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
