omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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