I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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