Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
