ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
