So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
