I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
