i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
