The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
