Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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