please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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