Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
