She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
