Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
