Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got inside last night via doggy door
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
